


One Love Life

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s04e23 25, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-21
Updated: 2003-08-21
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh/Donna Post-Ep to25





	One Love Life

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**One Love Life**

**by:** Dee 

**Category/Pairing:** Josh/Donna  
**Rating: MATURE**  
 **Disclaimer(s):** Not mine. Not really his anymore either.  


**Notes:** It's been a while so be kind. This a mash of about ten post eps rolled into one. 

"Are you in love with Josh?"

Shit. Shit. Shit! It was the `you don't get him' comment. I knew it even as the words were coming out of my mouth. But she provoked me. 

Wait a minute. She provoked me. 

I turned and saw her sitting there, tilting her head back and sipping her beer so smugly as if she had a clue as to what I thought or felt. The whole day came back in this crystal clear revelation, and I knew that I had been set up.

"Is that what this is about?"

"I'm sorry."

"This whole day." I faced her and crossed my arms over my chest so she would know I wasn't flustered anymore. "The ride, nice outfit. We should work together more often, isn't that what you said. This was nothing more than a digging exercise for you, wasn't it?"

She stood then and I thought there were times when she really should wear a bra. 

"I think I have a right to know, Donna."

"No," I said slowly as I thought about her rights as the ex-  
girlfriend. "You really don't."

The phone rang at my desk and I picked it up. It was Josh naturally and at the sound of his voice my stomach clenched. At first he was talking so fast I couldn't understand what he was saying. 

Then I heard Zoe. 

Then I heard gone.

****

"Josh."

"Yeah?" I looked up from my desk and saw Donna in the doorway. She had some folders in her hand and wasn't really looking at me and I thought about the last time I had seen her smile. I thought about the last time any of us had smiled. 

It was supposed to be better. Zoe was back and it was supposed to be better by now. Only it really wasn't.

"Amy wants lunch."

"I don't have..."

"She says it's important."

There was a tone there. A tone like Donna didn't really believe it, or she was annoyed that Amy had even asked for my time when things were still so crazy. But she wasn't looking at me so I couldn't really match the tone to the face.

"Tell her two."

"Can't you just call her and tell her?"

I must have looked shock that she should even suggest me making my own calls because she quickly recanted.

"Never mind. I'll let her know. Two."

"Is there a problem?" I thought there was a problem. I thought something had been off for a while with Donna, but it was easy to attribute it to the kidnapping. Everybody loved Zoe. Everybody was affected by it.

"No," she quickly denied. "No problem. I'll let her know. Two."

  
*****

  
"Thanks for meeting here. I know things are crazy for you." 

"It's okay. Donna said it was important." I picked up a breadstick and munched on it thoughtfully waiting for whatever was coming. She had her serious face on and it was a face I never underestimated.

"I'm leaving."

Figures. I didn't say that, but I thought it and I felt a little guilty. This kind of strain wasn't easy for everyone to handle. For me, Toby, C.J. Donna, we'd all been through it before. I was paying particularly close attention to Will just to see how he would cope. But he was doing okay. Amy was leaving.

"It's been weeks since ... she's been back. Abby's focus now is on her daughter, which is exactly where it should be. I came here to help her shape her political message, but the First Lady has been replaced with a mother and I don't see that changing in the next few years. Do you?"

"No." And in away I was sad about that. Just one more thing lost. Like Zoe's innocence. The First Lady had always made a formidable rival. "Where are you going?"

"Florida. To work for a particular congressman. And before you say it yes, I'm getting back together with him. The election is over now. He's assured me that it really was me and not women voters that he was after. I figured I would give him another chance."

"Okay." Whatever. I knew I was right back then. But I guess it didn't matter now.

"Unless you give me a reason not to go?"

"Huh?"

"A reason, Josh. Tell me to stay. Ask me to stay and maybe I will."

"Uh..." This was interesting, I decided. Clearly she still wanted me. So I guess the question was did I still want her. I remained silent.

"I guess that's my answer. I should have known. It really was there all along. I just didn't ask the right questions."

I squinted at her as I tried to decipher what she meant. "Look Amy, you took me off guard with this. I thought things were over, but ..."

"And why was that? Why were they over?"

"Mostly I think it had to do with me costing you your job."

She laughed, but not like she was amused. "That wasn't it. You want the truth."

No. Not really. I was ashamed to admit that when it came to truthful disclosures I was mostly a wimp. 

She shook her head. "It used to drive me crazy, but it was obvious from the first you didn't love me. And I kept thinking why? I'm smart, beautiful. I'm witty. I'm certainly strong enough for you. Why didn't you love me?"

"I..."

"And the answer was there the whole time; only I just figured it out. You couldn't love me because you were in love with someone else."

That was ridiculous. "Amy, I'm not seeing anyone..."

"And there it is. The perfect evasion. I say you're in love with someone, you say you're not seeing anyone. I asked if you were dating your assistant, you said, she's my assistant."

"What? What has Donna got to do with any of this?"

"You should ask her. Maybe she'll tell you. Anyway I wanted to say goodbye."

"Does the First Lady know..."

"Yeah. She's okay with it."

I nodded and watched her pick up her purse and leave the restaurant. It was all so surreal; I wasn't sure what to make of it. And what the hell did she mean bringing Donna into it. 

****

  
"So how did it go?"

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Donna rifling through my inbox. Her eyes were averted and it occurred to me in the past few weeks she'd rarely made direct eye contact with me. Or was I imagining that?

"Amy's leaving."

"Oh."

"She's going back to the congressman."

"Oh."

"She wanted to know why I didn't love her."

No oh. I turned around and saw her looking at me and this time we made eye contact. Yeah, I definitely hadn't been imagining that. It had been a while since I saw her eyes. Those eyes I thought that could be very wise. 

"Why didn't I love her?" 

"You're asking me?"

"You know me better than most people," I told her. It seemed if anyone would know, it would be Donna. "She said she was smart, witty, beautiful..."

"And certainly not lacking in ego," Donna finished.

There it was again. The tone. This time I couldn't miss it. "You didn't like her."

"I ..."

"No. Don't lie. You didn't like her." I'm not sure why this seemed important, but it did.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't like her."

I smiled, taking tremendous pleasure in that statement although I had no idea why.

"So," Donna fired back. "You didn't like Jack."

"I didn't not like Jack." I didn't love him. In fact after I found out he'd let Donna take the heat for his stupid quote, I might have made a few suggestion to key military personnel that he wasn't necessarily to be trusted, but other than that I thought he was all right. 

Donna shook her head. "You didn't like him," she insisted. "And you did everything you typically do to let me know it. Including getting mean with me."

"I didn't get mean." I got a little mean. That comment about him requesting the transfer. That was mean. I didn't like how upset she'd been about the whole thing. "Maybe I wouldn't have a problem with your boyfriends if you weren't always rubbing them in my face."

I watched her take immediate offense to that remark, and again I was at a loss as to why I even said it. 

"I don't rub."

"You rub."

She folded her arms over her chest and pouted. "Well so do you."

"I don't rub." I maybe push gently.

"You made me hang lights in your apartment for Tahiti night."

"You said you wanted to help," I reminded her. Had that been rubbing?

For a moment we were at a standstill and then as the words of our conversation filtered back through my mind I thought it was all very strange. We did rub each others faces in our love lives. Why?

"I'm sorry, she's gone," Donna said finally. But I didn't believe it.

"She said she would have stayed if I asked."

"Did you want to ask?"

"No." That much was true. "Sorry about the rubbing stuff."

"It's okay."

"Things around here are..."

"I know," she said, circling my desk to stand next to me. "It's like before, in a way. Only this time it's not you, it's Zoe."

I stared out the window and thought about that. "I think I liked it better when it was me," I said.

"I didn't."

My head turned and I could see a sad smile playing around her lips. Instinctively, I hugged her as we both remembered back to that summer when things had been terrible too. I kissed her forehead to comfort her. To take comfort from her. 

And that's when it happened.

She lifted her head and suddenly our eyes were glued to each other. I felt my head lowering before even I knew what my intention was and then in the next second I was kissing her. Her mouth underneath my mouth. My tongue inside her, hers inside my mouth. Our breath mingled, our teeth feasted. It was like no other experience I could ever remember having.

A campaign, a parent's death, an election, a first year, a shooting, an affair, a girlfriend, and a naval officer. Battles and triumphs, friendship and loyalty, all these memories bombarded me. This was Donna and I was kissing her and I didn't know why I hadn't before and I didn't know what I was going to do after, but it didn't matter. 

This was Donna and I...

She pushed me away and emitted a high pitched squeak. She covered her mouth and in the next second she was throwing open the door to my office and running down the hallway. I ran after her, calling her name, but Toby stopped me.

"Leo needs you."

"But Donna ... I..."

"Now, Josh. Fight with Donna later, this is important."

What happened was important too. I just didn't know how important.

****

  
"So you're really not going to say anything."

I looked down at the scheduler in front of me. "I've said many things, Josh. Staff at ten, Congressman Whiley, at noon."

"Donna! We kissed."

Patiently, I turned around and shut the door to his office on the off chance that maybe someone might be walking by at eight in the morning - like the whole West Wing. The door, I thought, that I rarely closed, but thankfully had decided to close yesterday. Why had I done that? It didn't matter. I was waiting for this and I had a perfect explanation.

I sat down across from him, reached over the desk and patted his hand sympathetically. 

"We didn't kiss."

"We didn't."

"No, you kissed me. And I'm going to tell you why."

"This should be interesting."

"Your ex-girlfriend told you she was getting back together with her fiancé. You were feeling vulnerable. Add to that the stress we've all been feeling regarding the situation, how the president is behaving, and the First Lady, both of whom you admire greatly, then factor in the amount of sleep you've had in the last few weeks, and top it off with the your work load and there you have it. A moment of aberration. A fluke. I physical blip that happened amongst a perfectly normal day never to happen again."

It was that simple. It had to be that simple. What if it wasn't that simple? 

"One problem," he said.

"What's that?"

"You kissed me back."

Shit, shit, shit! I know I did. "But I have an explanation for that..." I began.

"That's it. That's what she meant. That's who she meant."

"Who meant what about what?"

"Amy thinks I'm in love with you."

And wasn't that a fine how do you do. "Really, because she thinks I'm in love with you."

We stared at each other for a moment processing what had just happened. I could see his mind working and frankly it scared me. This wasn't good. This wasn't a happy moment. This was two people allowing to surface something that had remained buried for years. There was only one way to fix it.

"I'm going to get you a cup of coffee."

"Excuse me."

I stood up and smoothed out my skirt. "You look a little tired. I thought I would get you a cup of coffee."

"Donna, how long have you known me?"

"Almost six years."

"And in that time how many cups of coffee have you brought me?"

He always got me with this. "One."

"When you thought I was going to be fired."

"I guess. What's your point?"

"You don't think this is a good thing do you?"

"I think getting you coffee is a very assistant like thing to do." Emphasis on the word assistant.

"And you want to be my assistant."

"I..." I didn't know what I want. I was too confused, too scared, too freaked to even contemplate what I wanted. "I'm going to get that cup of coffee."

****

  
The coffee was good. I sipped it and thought that it was prepared exactly to my liking. The right amount of cream, the right amount of sugar. I liked a packet and a half. Two was too sweet, and one just didn't get cut it.

She'd never brought me coffee, but she knew I liked it with exactly a packet and one half.

"Donna!"

She appeared in my office doorway, and closed it behind her. No doubt fearing I was going to go back to the kissing thing - which let's face it - I was going to go back to the kissing thing. 

"What?"

"You know that I like a packet and a half in my coffee."

She rolled her eyes sensing, I suppose, where I was going with this. 

"Josh..."

"Say it."

"I put two packets in your cup."

"No you didn't."

I waited until she relented. "Fine. It's not like it's a colossal mystery. You leave half packets of sugar everywhere."

"I think we need to talk." 

I felt my heart pound heavier against my chest even as I said the words. Talking, now, with the kiss between us, was probably going to lead to more truthful disclosers, which I already confessed to not being a fan of. But we had to do this. It was time.

"Josh, maybe now isn't the best time..."

"You think we should wait to talk?"

"Yes."

"Okay, when."

"When what?"

"When should we talk?" I pressed.

She didn't really have an answer for that, so I stood and sat on the edge of desk reaching for her two hands which she kept pressed into tight fists. 

"Should we wait until you get in a car accident?"

"Josh..."

"Should we wait until you kidnapped. Should we wait until I get shot again?"

"I'm going to shoot you right now, so we won't have to wait that long. Do you know what you're saying?"

Yeah. My heart was still pounding away, but this made sense. Life was short. And nobody who worked in the west wing knew that as well as we did.  

"We'll go to lunch."

She shifted on her feet, but didn't pull her hands away. "Where?"

"I've just said after six years we should talk, we've still got a kiss in the air it was so hot, and you're asking me were we're going to lunch?"

"I was thinking pasta."

"Kay."

****

  
Pasta was good because it was comfort food. Very settling. I needed settling right now. We sat in a half moon booth in a downtown restaurant trying to be discrete, but already three congressmen, and two of their staffers and recognized one or both of us. Logistically speaking, lunch in DC wasn't the safest place to have the talk. There was bound to be a little yelling still, I couldn't wait to hear what he said.

"So talk," I told him. 

This ought to be good. No doubt he would start choking on his lasagna, realize that he wasn't capable of having this talk with all of the ramifications it entailed, and go into denial mode.

Hadn't he done exactly that last Christmas? I felt the need to say as much. "I tried to talk last Christmas.'

He looked at me for a minute. "The whole I didn't do this..."

"On purpose remark," I finished. "Yes. I said why would I think you would do this on purpose and you shut down and offered to get me drunk."

"And you didn't get that?"

"Josh," I growled keeping my voice low. "Can't you see that we're not capable of this? Can't you see that this is going to change everything?"

"Why?"

"Because it is. Because I can't be ... and we can't... and ..." Yeah, really no idea where I was going there. I tried another approach. "I've finally reached the point where I feel like I'm beginning to make serious contributions..."

"You've always made serious contributions," he interjected.

"But you're giving me more responsibility."

"I am."

"And I like that. What you're talking about entails me... what exactly does it entail?"

"I don't know. I thought that's why we should talk."

"I would have to quit."

"You're not quitting."

"I would have to."

"Why?"

Good point. "This wouldn't be a problem with us working together?"

Josh leaned in, "I'm still not sure what `this' is."

I wasn't either. 

"Can't we just admit that we needed the talk, we've had the talk, and we'll take it from here?"

There were a number of problems with that, of course. The first and most important being we hadn't actually acknowledged anything. "So we go back to work."

"And we take it from here. One condition, no more rubbing."

Okay, it was possible that I had really misunderstood the nature of this conversation, but fortunately, he continued. 

"Let me clarify. No more rubbing each other's faces in our love lives because there won't be any love lives."

I shook my head a little, still not really sure what he was saying.

"One love ... life. That's it."

One love life. Now I got it. 

Are you in love with Josh? 

Amy's words rang back through my head as I watched him dig back into the lasagna and get sauce on his cheek.

Am I in love with Josh?

It was a fair question. And I was really curious as to what the answer was going to be.

THE END. 

**See the Sequel** : "The Coming" 


End file.
